I See Dead People…

I see them every single day and not just one, but many, several, a lot. They stand in line at coffee shops, they run errands, they work… They’re breathing, but they’re not really alive.

I don’t mean physically dead, but characteristically. There are dead people everywhere.

Look around you, I bet you can see them too. The people who are hurting, lost, confused and miserable. The stranger who never seems to smile and the neighbor who never says hello. They’re there.

Are you one of them?

It’s so easy for our spirits to die and souls to rot long before our bodies take their last breath. It’s something we have to fight to avoid.

My challenge to myself and to each of you is to stay alive. Block out the negative committee that meets in your head and fill your soul with God, family, good friends, and endless dreams.

No one can do that for you but yourself. It’s your place in the world; it’s your life. Go on and do all you can with it, and make it the life you want to live.

Don’t die long before you leave this Earth.

-Shae

Soulmate Best Friends

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It is going to be hard not to cry writing this post. I believe God puts people in your life for a reason and this is no exception.

Four years ago.. As a freshman at WVU I walked into the dorm bathroom to see a blond girl wiping away tears. I knew her from passing her in the hall, but had never spoke to her..You should know I am an empathetic person, so naturally my heart sank as I looked at her puffy eyes and asked if she was okay.

“Yeah I’m fine, just a boy….” she said.

Immediately, I replied, “Girl, I totally understand.” We laughed a little and then parted ways. Unknown to both of us, that was the start of an incomparable friendship.

Mallory and I slowly became friends throughout fall semester, but Spring is when we really bonded. Come to find out, we could really relate to each other in terms of the relationships we were “in”. They were far too freakishly similar. This became the foundation of our bond.

As time has passed over the course the past four years, it has become more and more understandable to why God brought us together. Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of great friends and love and appreciate each and every one of you. But Mallory and I have undergone so many similar circumstances.

Mallory’s baby sis was diagnosed with Leukemia sophomore year.. Of course I was there for her in any way I possibly could be trying to understand. Junior year, my brother was in a very serious accident. In no way am I comparing our sibling’s battles, but if it was not having Mallory’s understanding, I am not sure how I would have survived. We could relate on the level of watching our parents stress and having to watch our siblings fight for health and not be able to do a single thing. If anyone understood that situation it was her.

Whether it has been a broken heart, my bad luck in fall 2012, a bad decision or mistake, a letdown, sharing the grief of God calling home a close friend, stress at home or at school, or just plain old failing at something.. Mal has been able to understand and withheld every single ounce of judgement. That’s rare and I value every second of that.

We haven’t just related on levels of hurt. No one is actually as silly as I am… except Mal. If I want to Zumba, sing off-key, dance my butt off in her living room, need a good cry, need someone to share a bottle of wine with.. that girl doesn’t hesitate cause more than likely.. she is in the EXACT same mood.

From crying together for the first time watching Phantom of the Opera to accidentally matching constantly for the past four years to imitating Magic Mike in the kitchen.. we have been there, done that.

I just want to say thanks, Mal… for everything. You’ve never hesitated to drop everything and it means the world to me. I thank God for bringing us together in the bathroom over tears. We’ve come so far. Here’s to the rest of our lives… I love you ❤

Dancin’ in the Streets: Remaining True to You & God

You come to a realization about yourself or maybe life, or even love. You suddenly get charged by your own enthrallment. A wave of positive energy pulses through your blood. Rapidly, you feel as though your own confidence could penetrate through any barrier. You’re high on exhilaration.

A few days pass and you catch yourself cuss under your breath at something out of frustration. You realize that positive energy is gone. A barrier stood in your way and you let yourself down again, which you swore you wouldn’t let happen. You question why you even get your hopes up and are torn between who you are and what you strive to be.

As I left Phoenix, I was on a high. My confidence and happiness were untouchable… until reality got its hands on me.

Coming home, I only saw sunny skies ahead. I failed to consider the challenges I would endure this coming year.

A few negative snarls from old ‘friends’ and hate mail and my confidence began dissolving into the mystic of wickedness that consumes the majority of this world.

I couldn’t believe how easily I began to cave. What happened to my excitement? My high on life attitude? Is that really all it took for me to regress?

Out of fear, confusion and frustration I considered the past few weeks. I was struggling to stay afloat on my deflating raft of hope. I was beginning to drown in uncertainty and temptation. I felt weak.

I compared this year to the previous. The two years were cohesive in the fact that I was trying to fight off foulness and temptation on my own. I was attempting to rein against the world without God.

I thought I, myself, could maintain the person I found in Phoenix. When in all reality, I need to maintain this person I have become with God.

There are three reasons for this. One being that I need to confide in God so that he might help me remain happy with who I am as a person and ultimately maintain my confidence through forgiving the people trying to drag me down.

Secondly, I will never be a perfect person. However, if I want to fight off the world, there is no way I can do it alone. I will fail time and time again, as I have done so previously. I need to work with Him. Being happy and a good person takes work and so does being myself.

Finally, most importantly, I need to uphold myself as a person through him so that he can continue molding me into a child after his own heart.

This realization came to me mid-week last week. I have implemented it into my life and found myself coming back out of my shell and continuing to learn who I am as a person.

Additionally, God reassured me this past Sunday I was headed in the right direction. It was hard to sit at home when my friends went out this weekend. I almost caved a couple of times. Then, I went to church and the praise and worship and my dad’s message focused on knowing right from wrong. God patted me on the back Sunday morning and let me know I’m headed in the right direction

This past weekend was one of the best I’ve had in a long while at home and I didn’t do much besides spend time with friends and family.

I guess what I want y’all to know is to keep working on the person you want to be with God. You can’t go at it alone.

You may even find yourself being huge loser who entertains her baby cousins with dance parties in the streets holler’s of West Virginia on Sunday afternoons. But hey, what does that matter for?

In all seriousness, stay strong in your Faith and allow God to work on you as a person.

Never let the fear of what people think stop you from being who you are.

Love,

Shae

Perfectly Imperfect

Recently, it has been brought to my attention that my facebook posts can come off as fake and insincere. This was unsettling information and honestly crushed me.

I have since then, mentally clarified my postings through self-evaluation, prayer, and advice from my dad and Baron Batch. I wanted to share the results of my thoughts..

Honestly, I am a small town girl just trying to make something of myself. I am not perfect. Sometimes cuss words slip my mouth. I get lazy with school. I often trip in public. I get nervous to talk in front of crowds. I get myself in messes. I say things I don’t mean. I unintentionally hurt others. I struggle with people trying to bring me down. I wake up every day and have to face my severe anxiety and mild OCD. I get frustrated. I am impatient. I have had to deal with my lack of self-confidence. I have my fair share of faults. I hate myself sometimes. I am far from unflawed.

I have to work daily to be who I am. My life doesn’t come easy and it isn’t handed to me. I work hard.

I post about my life to not to create this perfect image.. I post in hopes of inspiring others from my small town to chase their dreams, to inspire young ladies to stay classy and in hopes of changing someone’s day with my own attitude. I take what God gives me on a daily basis and spin it in the most positive manner I can.

I’ll end this post with what Baron Batch told me. It’s true and sums up exactly the results of my self-evaluation.

“Shae good to hear from you. The thing that I have learned is that there is always someone out there that wants to sit back and criticize. The best advice I can give is focus on the people that you know you have helped and blessed by being you. I am constantly being scrutinized by people that think I’m a jerk, rude, mean, or fake. But at the end of the day I know my own intentions and see the people that I effect in a positive way. Try your best to block out the negativity. Keep doing what you do and keep being you.” – Baron

Don’t let haters bring you down, friends. It’s satan’s way of getting under your skin.

Shine on darlings.

Shae