Frozen has become my all time favorite Disney movie this winter. Sure, I love the Elsa, Ana, and Olaf… but what really has me hooked is how much I was able to connect with the storyline.
Okay so no, I am not Elsa and even though it would be cool… I can’t build magical ice castles with the point of my finger (sorry for the let down). But, like Elsa, I do have a flaw I’ve tried to hide. It’s no secret that I am a super high strung person. If you’ve been around me for more than five minutes, you probably picked up on that much. But what a lot of people don’t know is that for over two years, I’ve been taking anxiety medication to try and control it. I had to take it and I don’t regret it. God knows I definitely needed it at the time I started taking it.
But, recently I got to the point recently where I didn’t want to take them anymore. I started going off my medication in December and I can’t adequately share what an insanely difficult battle this has been against my own mental army. It’s been so much harder than I was actually prepared for. I think I’ve felt every emotion possible the last three months, but mostly recharged. Being on medication was okay for me for a while, but the last year, I felt like I was only giving 75%. It began to mask my ambitions with contentment. And thus, I decided to go off my medication.
For a while, I whole-heartedly suffered with trying to find my “normal” again. I couldn’t remember what that looked like for me. I know it sounds odd, but after a couple of years of medication, I kinda forgot how I felt before then. I spent so much time trying to separate what’s withdrawal side effects and what’s my natural personality. After a couple of months, this has gotten a little easier but it’s still a struggle. Yet, this entire process, no matter how difficult it has been, is something I wouldn’t turn back on for a couple of reasons..
One is that if I never went on medicine, I’m not sure I would recognize my anxiety the way I do now. Before, I was so used to it. I couldn’t tell you when I was overreacting to small, unjust circumstances. But now, I can notice the waves of anxiety forming in the distance. I see them coming and can plant my feet firm in the sand and control whether or not I’m capsized.
And last but not least, I am so much more accepting of my anxiety now. I understand that it is who I am as a person and I am even thankful it. I realize that I don’t need to hide it or even try and change. And I personally want to thank Elsa for teaching me that I can “Let It Go”.
And that’s exactly what I’m doing.. I’m letting it go.
The fears that once controlled me, can’t get to me at all. It’s time to see what I can do, to test the limits and break through. No right, no wrong, no rules for me. I’m free. Let the storm rage on. Here I stand and here I’ll stay. The perfect girl is gone.
This week I challenge you to think about what’s holding you back and let it go… just like Elsa.
Have a blessed week.